


ouroboros (or the beginning of gakushuu asano)

by waspfactor



Series: two sides of a coin (in retrospection) [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Abuse, Asano Gakuhou's Bad Parenting, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, Character Death, Character Study, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Violence, Violence, oo boy its a long one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27437545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waspfactor/pseuds/waspfactor
Summary: gakushuu asano is 6 when his father's student dies and his life changes.gakushuu asano is 15 when the moon explodes and his life goes downhill from there.
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Asano Gakuhou & Asano Gakushuu, Asano Gakushuu & Sakakibara Ren
Series: two sides of a coin (in retrospection) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006440
Comments: 11
Kudos: 123
Collections: Asano Gakushuu Centric





	ouroboros (or the beginning of gakushuu asano)

**Author's Note:**

> hi wasp back to rip out your hearts :0 gakushuu i swear i love u but... character study machine goes brr
> 
> wrote this while listening to 'leopard' by ponkansoup on yt- go check it out for a general vibe
> 
> this is a bad fic for many things if ur sad skip this one. read the tags and proceed with caution!

He is 6 when his _real_ life begins. Those first 6 years were nothing more than learning to ride a bike with stabilisers on. Now the training wheels are off.

He’s smart, is smarter than most children his age but he is still too young to know what death really is. He knows his mother is dead but doesn’t know _why_ she is dead. He knows his father’s student is dead from the moment he steps through the door, blank stare in his eyes. He might not know what death is, but he knows that this is when everything changes.

The next day, all the photos in the house are taken down (burned, he later found out in a drunken confession years later when the principal loses his job- more on that later). Even the photo of his parent’s wedding- the only photo of his mother in the house- is gone. He doesn’t know why his stomach churns at that.

He’s 8 and his school requires him to a mandatory extra circular. Even after the many protests of ‘I speak 5 languages, play 3 instruments and play almost every sport under the sun’ didn’t work so he’s on the school basketball team. He hasn’t had his growth spurt yet (his father is tall; he knows it’s coming soon) so he stands out like a sore thumb.

He decides to practice at home. Who cares if he’s shorter than everyone else if he’s the star player, he naively thinks as he reaches for the basketball in his father’s study.

Bad idea. He learns the hard way.

He’s outside, freezing half to death. It’s a cold autumn night as he sits on the step to his house. His cheek stings still, knows it’ll bruise. He shivers into the night as he thinks of a good excuse to tell his teachers the next day. He’s 8.

(He becomes the star player anyway. Not because he wants to but because he _has_ to. Has to be the best or else. His growth spurt hits, and he shoots up. The coach babbles about scholarships and going pro but he declines. He never plays basketball again.)

He’s 9 (and a half, thank you very much) when he learns that he hates his mother and that his father does too, apparently. His mother is _gone,_ and she left him here with _him,_ he seethes one-night, hot tears spilling down his face. Her birthday and anniversary of death are not on this year’s calendar and his father doesn’t visit her grave when the day arrives. He doesn’t bring it up to him, he hates her. He refuses to take part in a Mother’s Day activity and when he is forced to make a card (for his father instead), he staples his hand deliberately and asks if he can see the nurse.

(When’s he older, he regrets thinking like that. Not only did his hand never heal right, scarring a bump into his palm but he decides he misses the idea of his mother. He doesn’t think he could ever actually miss her. His father points out you can’t miss what you never had and Gakushuu can’t argue with that.

He’s 11 when he believes he meets his match (never says that out loud however). It’s in the form of Ren, one of the popular boys. He’s tall, funny and all the girls adore him. None of that matters to Asano. What _he_ cares about is Ren’s talent.

Ren speaks Japanese more fluently than he does. He learns this the hard way after coming second in a test. Ren’s a nice guy, all smiles as he congratulates him. Asano doesn’t smile back but returns the congrats. 98% and 99% respectively. His eyebrow twitches when he realises that Ren’s wasting the top spot. A voice, not so different from his father’s, rings in his head. If it’s not full marks, then why try.

He doesn’t get sleep that night. He’s kept up by his shame, his disappointment, his _rage_. He’s never felt like this before, never felt this _powerful._ Some of his father’s teachings click into place now. He wants to beat Ren senseless, black and blue until his own mother wouldn’t recognise him. Wants to take him off his pedestal and throw him to the lions, wants to be one of the lions that destroy him. He indulges in the scenarios in his head and finds this is the happiest he’s been in weeks.

Gakushuu’s smart, though. That’s the whole point of his existence, what his father has strived for. Intelligence. He wants to dismantle Ren piece by piece, wants everyone to know it was _him_ who did it. But that’s a really stupid idea. Being physical only keeps someone down for so long, he learnt as the beatings decreased in frequency. If you want to destroy someone, you do it psychologically. He keeps the violent fantasies to himself, a small treat he allows himself, as he formulates a plan.

The next day, he asks if he can join Ren’s football match. Ren lights up and accepts immediately, introducing him to the rest of his friends. He talks to Ren every day, they walk to school together, go over to Ren’s house and suddenly, they’re actually…. Something. Gakushuu stops playing the fantasies of annihilating Ren (he does keep them in a small part in his mind though). He doesn’t use ‘friend’ or ‘comrade’, but Ren is something along those lines. He’s the closest thing he has to a friend. Huh.

(Turns out Ren’s mother is a journalist and when she’s home, she puts Ren through the wringer with vocabulary lessons. Gakushuu attends one, nothing compared to his father’s exercises, and comes out on top in the next class test- full marks of course)

He’s 12 when everything changes again in junior high. This is father’s- wait, no- the _principal’s_ hunting ground, his domain. No longer is he confined to the house, he’s loose and my god, does he revel in his freedom. Gakushuu wouldn’t say he’s scared but there’s a sense of nervousness deep within him. Ren came with him, obviously, parents rich enough for one of the best junior highs in Japan. As they stand outside the school gate, Ren turns to him.

“Man, this is your Dad’s school. This is gonna be a piece of cake for you,” He says in perfect English (Gakushuu’s working on it- his cousin is American and she’s visiting currently. Funny how Gakushuu just made 4 American pen pals then, huh?). “I can’t wait for you to coast by for 3 years while the rest of us struggle.”

Gakushuu likes Ren, he really does. He just wishes he’d be a bit more intelligent sometimes.

Junior high is no cakewalk, especially since this is his father’s petri dish. Gakushuu’s been bred for excellence and now he must cultivate it. Student council president, valedictorian, captain of the football and track team, spokesperson for the school blood drive, the whole lot. He drinks more caffeine than water now and has had 3 carpal tunnel scares.

Junior high is only made slightly easier by 2 things.

The first- the faculty. They know who he is and as a result, wait on him hand and foot. A few threats there, a few talk backs here, what does it matter if you’re the principal’s son? He feels powerful walking through the hallways, like he’s the king of the world. He understands why his father feeds off this- it’s intoxicating. He can do what he wants to who he wants. He’s feared, respected, and liked at the same time. It’s incredible. If Gakushuu had been stupid (like those idiots in E Class), he would’ve used his status to go round beating people up. But that’s a poor waste of this much power. His mantra of _psychological over physical_ plays over and over in his head.

The second is that his number of… ‘friends’ has increased tremendously. Girls confess to him (he declines gracefully but lets his ego flourish), boys think he’s cool, everyone else respects him- this is great. ‘Ren and I’ suddenly becomes ‘Ren, Teppei, Koyama, Seo and I’, an interesting development. Gakushuu lets himself have some fun, indulges in the fact he has ‘friends’ and is well liked. He’s a teenager, why wouldn’t he?

(Turns out ‘friends’ don’t soften blows for you. He learns this the hard way)

He keeps them at arm’s length, let’s them think they’re still friends. He pushes them towards different extracurricular and soon enough, the Big 5 have the entire school canvased. He thinks about recruiting others for his cause, but no one really fits the bill.

Isogai is smart and well liked (even more so than him) but far too nice for his own good. Plus, he spends all his time with that loser delinquent, Maehara, from E Class. Takebayashi is resourceful and is already loyal to him but Gakushuu (correctly) guesses that there’s something else underlying that loyalty. He doesn’t need that mess, but he _does_ keep Takebayashi at arm’s length for future reference.

His only real option is Akabane. Akabane has a lot of potential, he realises after staring at the file he took from the principal’s office. He’s smart, attractive (in a general sense), ambitious and feared (if the rumours are to be believed). He’s also got striking red hair which is good for the Big 5’s (Big 6?) optics. He’s perfect for it.

It’s a shame that he ruins all of that instantly as soon as he opens his mouth.

“What? Nah, I’ll pass,” Akabane nonchalantly waves with a grin tugging on his face. Gakushuu hates it. “Good to finally speak to you, Mr Principal’s Son.” And with that, he leaves, meeting that shy boy from D Class.

Rage simmers within Gakushuu. He’s never been… shot down so effectively. He hates it. Gakushuu decides to make his life hell, the violent fantasies of destroying Ren or the principal now morph into Akabane’s stupid grin being punched off his face. Akabane becomes public enemy number 1 to the Big 5. He knows of Akabane’s family situation, knows a touchy subject when he sees one. Suddenly, a whole lot more family orientated content makes its way onto the syllabus. Akabane isn’t as good as hiding discomfort as he’d probably like to. Gakushuu takes great pleasure in watching him squirm.

When he becomes desensitised to the family issues, Gakushuu turns to Akabane’s only real friend- Shiota. Shiota’s grades are a poor excuse, even for D Class. It doesn’t take much for him to be sent to E.

After Shiota’s banishment to the End Class, something snaps within Akabane (Gakushuu now realises that Shiota was helping to manage the rage within Akabane). He skips class more, defies rules more openly, sneers at the principal (Gakushuu uses all of his power not to laugh at the principal’s shocked look), gets in more fights.

In the end he doesn’t actively get Akabane expelled. It’s more of a passive thing. It’s a warm spring day, pleasant enough for most of the student body to be outside. Including him!

He’s on the ground, getting the shit kicked out of him by Akabane. This is nothing like the simulations Gakushuu ran. Akabane is straddling, a crazed look in his eyes as he continues to punch. He fights well, Gakushuu notes, he must’ve taken classes. Gakushuu grins and pushes him off of him. He can’t incite fights, but he sure can finish them. Akabane recuperates quickly and reaches for him again. Gakushuu sees his opening; he grabs Akabane’s wrist and twists in a way that isn’t normal. Akabane opens his mouth but no scream comes out (Gakushuu adds ‘could survive torture to benefit the cause if possible’ to Akabane’s positive traits). He tries to snap the other one (he’s a sucker for symmetry) but suddenly there’s teachers pulling Akabane off and coddling Gakushuu.

As they drag off Akabane, giving him the ‘you are in so much trouble’ lecture, Gakushuu stares at him. Given the look in his eyes, he knows he’s fucked up. He’s grinning though and Gakushuu knows he doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t either.

The students surrounding them are gossiping, phones out. Gakushuu wants them to post it on Twitter, wants the whole world to see Akabane’s wrist bending like dry spaghetti. The nurse tells him his nose is broken and that he’ll have to see a doctor. He doesn’t, he wants to wear the broken nose as a medal.

(Akabane is expelled the next day. He’s 14 when he first tastes such violence. The principal says nothing about his wounds but does comment on keeping up appearances. Like he’s one to talk, freaky centipede man)

Ren muses about it. “You know, it’s a real shame Akabane got expelled,” He starts and Gakushuu heart jumps. This is it. Ren’s finally came around to his way of thinking. Gakushuu starts to take back everything he’s ever said about Ren’s intelligence. Maybe Ren _is_ a friend, someone he can rely on and- “He was funny. I’ll miss him.”

(He doesn’t know what else he expected.)

Soon, Akabane becomes dust in the wind and is forgotten easily. There’s more pressing issues now. Isogai is caught (by him) working at a café. A part of him feels bad, Isogai is a nice guy, doesn’t really deserve this. But he has to set an example and Isogai needs to learn that kindness gets you nowhere, so he’s dropped to E Class. Takebayashi slips up in grades and is sent down too. Gakushuu theorises he’ll still continue his hero worship from afar. Nakamura, very much like Akabane, stops caring so much, stops handing in homework, stops attending the English study group. She’s dropped as well.

While the other Big 5 worry about everyone dropping like flies, Gakushuu feels great. He explains to them that they’re weeding out the weak, like survival of the fittest. Seo pipes up with social darwinism and Gakushuu only smirks in response.

A week before his final year of junior high, the moon explodes, and everything gets worse from there.

The principal has increased his crazy philosophy talks to a 100. Gakushuu no longer thinks he’s being metaphorical when he talks about murdering E Class. There’s high school admissions to write and more expectations to live up to. Gakushuu starts taking power naps instead of sleeping.

Speaking of E Class, they’re hiding something. They have an air force instructor as a teacher, there’s 3 new students added into the database and _Akabane_ is back. He has a few working theories (all revolve around a giant yellow octopus) but nothing definitive. He doesn’t even care what they’re hiding; he just wants to watch the principal squirm.

They’re starting to catch up in academics, Gakushuu sourly notes. Akabane is wiped out, no longer a real threat to him anymore but there’s no reason for the likes of Nakamura, Takebayashi, Okajima scoring as high as they did. With the rise of E Class comes the principal’s talk of success and failure. Gakushuu can tell he’s starting to get worried. He wonders how long it’ll take for the mask to slip completely.

He catches Isogai working again, enjoys watching him shift uncomfortably as they speak outside. Shiota, Kataoka, Okajima and a girl he’s never seen before are there. Maehara, Isogai’s weirdo friend, is also there, defending him. His determination to help Isogai inspires Gakushuu. Clearly, the lesson on kindness didn’t stick. Gakushuu decides to give him one on teamwork and camaraderie.

The pole toppling wasn’t his idea. Nor was inviting some of his exchange students. Gakushuu fears for what the principal has in store, but this is quelled when he sees Kevin, who scoops him up into a hug. “Asano!” His accent is drawn out as he spins Gakushuu around. “Great to see you!”

Gakushuu finds himself smiling. Perhaps Kevin is a friend.

The pole toppling goes horribly. A Class loses, loses to Isogai and Maehara and Shiota and Takebayashi and _fucking Akabane._ His back hits the ground funny and he’s back in the fight with Akabane a year ago. He feels anger stir within him.

His father calls him and the exchange students to his office. His anger turns to fear. The lion’s den is manageable but only because he’s used to it. The others aren’t. Kevin tries to stick up for him and then, everything is bad.

Gakushuu Asano is 15 when the principal (when was he the principal first and his father second?) beats up 4 others 15-year olds within inches of their lives. He’s 15 when he’s forced to watch. Forced to clean up the office that smells like wet pennies and oh my god, there’s blood on him, blood’s everywhere. He’s 15 when he sends the exchange students to the hospital. None of them speak, there’s nothing to be said. Kevin doesn’t meet his eyes. He’s 15 when he loses a friend. He’s 15, oh god, he’s still a child. They’re children. E Class, A Class- all children.

( _After his father finishes the last one off, he walks over to Gakushuu who’s cowering in the corner. He bends down and whispers in his son’s ear ‘there’s only so much psychological damage one can deal, sometimes violence is necessary’ and Gakushuu’s blood runs cold in his veins as his mind plays every violent thought he’s ever had. A horrible question makes itself known; what happened to my mother if this is my father_ )

Something in him snaps. He’s 15 when he changes his outlook.

Gakushuu is smart, that he knows. He knows this is wrong. His father has gone off the deep end.

It takes a lot of pride (who is he kidding, Gakushuu is done with pride) to ask for E Class’s help. He’s long figured out their secret and enjoys the look on their faces when he uses the word ‘assassinate’. They have no right to help him, he’s single handedly made their lives hell. He’s potentially ruined their future and now he comes begging for help- it’s pathetic.

Instead, it doesn’t go like that. Isogai, a leader through and through, nods his head. Gakushuu is grateful that even after everything, Isogai is still kind. Akabane, _ugh,_ raises an objection.

“Got in the deep end with Daddy dearest and now you need our help,” He scuffs his shoe off the dusty ground. Gakushuu notices him massaging the wrist he broke (like father, like son, his mind supplies unhelpfully) “Hope you aren’t aiming for number 1. I’m taking it this time.”

Shiota, next to him, elbows him. “You realise this is going to tarnish your father’s reputation, right? Your last name will be synonymous with failure, your future could be in jeopardy.” Always a realist. Shiota’s gotten more confident, hasn’t he? What even _is_ E Class at this point.

“My father ruined his reputation a long time ago,” This was the final straw. His reputation has been in tatters since he was 6, since Ikeda’s death. Since he beat his 8-year-old son for touching a basketball. Since he tried to kill off a class of 15-year olds. “It’s about time someone tore him off his pedestal.”

“And the class system? You need that for A Class’s survival, don’t you?”

Gakushuu closes his eyes. “The class system is a failure. We’re all students at the same junior high at the end of the day. Unnecessary degrees of separation only leads to distraction. I learned that the hard way. It’s the second worse thing to come out of the old cram school building,” He pauses. “First being Akabane, of course.”

Akabane sticks out his tongue. “Aw, Shuu I’m hurt,” He does a double take. “The class system is E Class’s fault?”

Oh, now that’s a long story. Gakushuu shakes his head. “Later. If you successfully destroy my father’s philosophy, I’ll let you in on its origins.” A wager. A bet. (He also wants an excuse to finally see the yellow octopus that’s taught E Class)

E Class do amazing. All score within the top 50. Akabane keeps his promise and takes the top spot, Gakushuu in second after losing 3 marks in mathematics. That’s his best subject, what the _fuck._ Fuck ionic lattices. He’s more disappointed than angry, not like when Ren had beat him in Japanese all those years ago.

The other Big 5 apologise and only then, Gakushuu realises he’s not the only fucked up one. His father enters the room and a heavy silence falls. He doesn’t quite remember what happens next, but he’s flung across the room and there’s a stinging in his cheek and _holy shit, he just slapped me in school. In front of people._ There’s a commotion as people flock to his side, Ren is sending daggers to the principal who’s staring at his shaking hand. He knows he’s lost.

Gakushuu laughs manically. “And now that disguise is off,” He wipes blood off his bottom lip and realises his nose is broken _again_. “Father! It’s been a long 9 years, how are you?!”

The principal runs off, probably back to his office to think of ways of bribing a whole class to keep their mouths shut. Gakushuu gets to feet and heads off as well.

“Asano! You need to go to the nurse!” A girl cries out. He doesn’t reply; Ren does it for him.

“I don’t know where he’s going but we won’t be able to stop him,” He sighs and Gakushuu was wrong for gunning Ren as airheaded. There is something between his ears. “Just… keep safe, Gakushuu.”

Okay yeah. Ren’s his friend.

The trek up to E Class is painfully slow, especially since he’s not in top form. When he gets there, they’re all standing outside, looking scared. There’s a demolition vehicle tearing into the building. The principal is here and speaking to a tall, yellow octopus. _What the fuck._

“Maybe, it’s the concussion talking but is that your teacher?” He asks, getting the attention of the adults in the building still. The octopus looks worried.

“O-Oh, Asano Junior! So glad to finally meet you!” He smiles but its watery. “This isn’t how I’d like to have met you. Oh, I don’t even know if I should be speaking to you, I’m a walking talking military secret.” From behind him, air force instructor groans.

“Did I beat you that bad that you took physical damage, second place?” Akabane looks smug but then takes in his full appearance and worry flashes briefly on his face. “…Is your nose broken again?”

“The principal façade is slipping; my father showed his real side to my class,” He nurses his cheek, allowing himself to wallow in some self-pity before returning to the task at hand. “Father! Stop this nonsense!”

His father ignores him and explains the cruel game he’s set up. Gakushuu’s smart (maybe not first place smart but still smart)- he picks up quickly that the octopus can be killed using special materials and chemicals. He doesn’t expect the reaction to be so quickly, yellow tentacles melting away as if there were never there.

The last book. A real grenade. This is his father’s end. A part of him wants to watch him blow himself to smithereens. That’s part he’ll probably be getting therapy for. His hand is on the book- _oh shit, oh fuck._ Panic button time.

“Do you think this is what Ikeda would’ve wanted?” He finds himself blurting out. Everyone else is confused, don’t know who that is or the weight it carries. It stops his father’s hand though. “Killing yourself in the same classroom you once taught because your education philosophy was disproven?”

Violet eyes meet each other. “There is nothing left to live for. I have spent the last 20 years of my life on nothing.”

“15 of those 20 you spent on me, you bastard!” Gakushuu snaps. If anyone here was going to be a cynical, suicidal bastard, it would be _him._ “You spent 5 of them with Mother, 6 with Ikeda. But you’ll throw that all away because of one class? You’ve lost your backbone, old man.”

“Stop mentioning his name.” An order, a command. A single sweat bead appears on his forehead. Gakushuu has never seen him like this.

“Scared he’s haunting his old teacher? You’ve bred a school rife with bullying and classism,” He waves his arms around as an example. “All you did was push for more Ikeda’s to happen!”

Shiota, next to him, looks deathly scared. “Asano, you’re supposed to be trying to get him to _not_ kill himself.”

He hums in confirmation. He’ll use their fucked-up dynamic against him, his father. “If you open that book, you’re a coward. You’ll be taking the easy way out. You have amends to make, fix the education system, you have to apologise to me,” Oops, he hadn’t meant to say that last part. “If you kill yourself, I’ll destroy your life from beyond the grave. Wait no, actually, I’ll _kill_ myself if you kill yourself right now. You’ve already hospitalised 4 children, what’s mentally scarring another 20 or so?”

E Class and the octopus look worried. Gakushuu knows his mask has slipped, no more pretending. This is _him._ He is done with appearances and status and managing his self-identity “Asano-“

“Open that book!” He shouts, gripping the window ledge. “Do it! Kill yourself, just like Ikeda did!”

The book opens and there’s a flash of white. Gakushuu realises he might’ve just killed his father.

The world slips out from under him.

Dad?

He wakes up in the hospital. There’s a splint keeping his nose in shape and a needle in his arm. Akabane is here… for some reason, sitting sipping strawberry milk. He’s not surprised to see him awake. Gakushuu panics. “Father-“ He starts, sitting up in bed.

Akabane pushes him back into the bed, god he’s strong. Or maybe Gakushuu’s just weak. “Is alive, don’t worry. He tried to blow himself up, no thanks to you but Korosensei saved him. He was here a few hours ago.”

Relief washes through Gakushuu. “Korosensei? The octopus?”

“Hey, for number 2, you’re quite smart!” That earns Akabane a kick to the stomach. “I still can’t believe you egged on the principal to kill himself. Asano, I say this as a friend and a rival, _what the fuck_?”

“It almost worked. Calling him a coward was a bad move on my part,” Gakushuu pauses. “Why are you here anyway?”

“Can’t have my rival down and out, now can I? Plus, I know you never went to the hospital after _I_ broke your nose because it healed funny so I’m taking it upon myself to make sure it’s looked after properly.” He crosses his arms smugly.

“I broke your wrist. That never healed properly either.” He whispers.

“Yeah, thanks for that, asshole,” He rubs his wrist. “I needed that fight out of my system. You were _so_ asking for it, back then. But look at us now! Rivals! Nothing like a good fight to bring people together, right?”

Gakushuu ponders briefly. “…Are we friends?”

Akabane hums, tapping his fingers off his arm. “Not yet. We’ve applied for the same high school. I reckon we’ll be friends there,” He pauses before grinning. “Think about it, if we work together, we could take over the whole world.”

Maybe it’s the pain medication he’s most definitely on but Gakushuu likes the sound of that. Firstly, though, he needs to speak with his father. 

**Author's Note:**

> me doing a thesis on a fictional character's psyche vs doing my psych essay 
> 
> lmk if u enjoyed!


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